Foiled by Wine!

When you’re training with one of the most powerful necromancers in the world, it takes a lot to bring you to your knees. Like a bottle of wine that actually has a cork! On Sunday night, I was released from necromantic duties, and I was really craving a bottle of wine. I mean, really wanting to have some wine, not that unfermented grape wine shit most necromancers chug. The issue? This was a pretty high scale bottle of wine. How did I know? It had a freaking cork.

The issue? I didn’t have a cork screw. (insert sad face here . . . or meme).

wine fail

That’s better.

So our Labor Day BBQ was awesome, and my best friend bought me two bottles of wine, because I was really wanting some wine. Why? Because it’s what all the cool kids are doing it! Not really, that makes me sound like an alcoholic, and I’m not. I get the bottles home and decide I’m going to kick back, make some memes, and drink some wine. The wine bottle had other plans.

Picture me, humming away to “I’m All About That Bass” in my kitchen, maybe dancing a little (I can’t confirm that) and unwrapping the foil on the wine bottle.

Cork: “Hi!” (he might have waved)

Me: “F*ck my life.”

Cork: “That’s not very nice!”

Me: “Why are you even there? Aren’t you supposed to be for fancy wine?”

The cork was silent. Maybe if I was nicer he would have told me how to get him out of the bottle without a cork screw. Instead I spent the next hour or so watching Life Hacks on how to open the darn bottle. I tried pounding the bottom of the bottle (wrapped in a shoe) against a wall to no avail. I unsuccessfully tried unscrewing it with a key pushed into the cork, and I even went so far as to screw a screw down into the cork and try pulling it out with a hammer. Nothing.

Finally, feeling very much like a zombie after a tasty brain, I pushed the cork through the bottle and had my fill, and then I made the above meme. The night was not wasted at all!

What is your favorite kind of wine? This one was very similar to Red Cat, and it’s called Red Fox. Noms!

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