If you’re looking for a magical creature of your own to raise and love, then the Goatman might not be the one for you. However, if you’re looking for a creature that’s great at terrifying the neighbors, keeping those pesky neighborhood kids out of your yard, or just randomly attack the occasional jogger or small animal, then the Goatman might be the perfect one for you. They reside in Maryland, New York, and Wisconsin, so for an authentic Goatman, you might want to reach out to an authorized dealer in those states.
The common myth of the Goatman says that if you take a picture of them, or happen to find a bone that belongs to them and decide to keep it, they will wait until you aren’t around, and ransack your home looking for what you’ve taken of them. Some stories allude that they are shape-shifting creatures, and could be any number of humans you encounter on a daily basis, since they love the human form so much. The homeless man you were nasty too? Yep, he could come around your house that night with his axe and tear it to shreds. That teacher you don’t care for? She could sneak up on you when you’re walking home and skewer you with a no. 2 pencil. Moral of the legend? Don’t be an ass and you should be fine.
But some say the Goatman isn’t some race of cryptid, but instead a scientist who was experimenting on goats. When one of his experiments went wrong he became a half-man, half-goat beast that started attacking cars with an axe! I don’t know much about science experiments so I’m no expert, but he had to be messing with some pretty weird shit to turn himself into a Goatman. (I sense a plot for American Horror Story season 6!)
Another legend says that the Goatman is a hermit living out in the woods that can be seen walking along the road at night.
All joking aside, I’ve seen the Goatman. Honestly, I had forgotten about it until I wrote this last paragraph. When I was younger and into a lot of strange shit I was riding with my friends at night along a twisting road not far from where I live now. My cousin was driving, and she was being silly and swerving all over the road. I was in the backseat with a couple friends and I was laughing and just being an idiot and having fun. I looked up and saw this half-goat, half-man standing on the side of the road. It scared the shit out of me, no lie. I figured it was just my mind playing tricks on me, but the friend sitting to my right was pretty shaken up also. Turns out he had seen it too.
Now, I’m a speculative person, and I don’t expect anyone to believe that story any more than I believe a ghost story I’m told. Now that I’m older I think it could be any number of things that made me see the Goatman that night. Could have been a trick of the light. It could have been that I was so riled up that my brain played tricks on me. Who knows. Do I believe I really saw the Goatman? Yes. I saw him. Do I believe he was actually there, or he was just a trick of my mind? I really can’t say. What’s even stranger? I live in New York, one of the three states said to be his stomping ground!
Have you ever seen the Goatman? I’d love to hear your stories in the comments!
Now for the fun part! What do you think the Care for Magical Creatures should be about? Cast your vote below!