There are constantly times in my life when I wonder just what the fuck is really going on. Am I the only one? Sitting here, thinking I have shit together, and then something just happens, pops up out of the blue and you’re like WTF, mate? I sit here, listening to Concrete Blonde, because they’re awesome, and I think “fuck, I’m 33. What the hell am I doing rotting away here?”
I seriously need a change. I can’t keep living in such a small area, starved from basic human interaction. Don’t get me wrong, I have friends and family here that I love and we hang out a lot . . . but it comes down to the fact that I’m 33, and I want to BE 33 and not 80. I want to experience my life. I want to travel. I want to settle down in a far off place and have a family (and by family I mean a husband and dogs because I am just not doing that kid stuff). I want to sit at the kitchen table at midnight drinking coffee and talking about silly book stuff while we both create our art.
The thing is, when taking care of my mother she constantly told me “if you have the chance, do it. Don’t stay around here for me.” Which was completely stupid because I would never have thought about leaving her when she needed me most. Now that she’s gone, I keep hearing her tell me that “if you have the chance, do it.”
The truth is, my mother never wanted to live here. She used to tell me that she stayed here because dad didn’t want to leave his family, so they stayed. She wanted to leave NY.
I’m 33 years old and I’ve only lived on my own once, when I was 18 in Pennsylvania. I don’t mind living with people, but there’s just nothing to do here, no one to meet and potentially settle down with and I refuse to live here and rot away. I need to leave. I need to just pack up my doggie and get on a bus and leave hahaha.
So here’s the plan. In the next year I am going to work my ass off to get myself situated financially so that I can leave NY and live on my own with my dog, and look for that partner to spend all night drinking coffee and creating with.
Where will I go? Not sure, but Seattle’s looking rather nice.
This nomad’s feet are getting itchy.